My dear Former Philippine President, I’m writing this letter in the spirit of the season of Christmas–which is love.
No, the love I’m talking about is not love of money, power, or self. It is the love given to others without expecting reciprocation; the love shown to us by the real man of the hour, Jesus Christ.
I’m sorry to say that your wish this Christmas, “that you get away with everything,” has been deemed “ungrantable” by my Elf Audit Service.
What’s more is that your account seems to be gravely in the negative, which puts you squarely in the “naughty list”.
I regret to inform you that no more of your wishes will be entertained until you’ve set things right. Keeping true to what Jesus said, “you reap what you sow,” it is my firm belief that first step on the path to redemption is to make amends with those you’ve wronged.
Know that, not even I, with my seemingly godly omnipresence and metabolism during Christmas Eves (those milk and cookies really do pile on the pounds, I tell you!) is not exempt to the basic tenets of cause and effect. I’m also held accountable by my accountants!
With lots of love, but no presents,
PS: Hohohohohoho, Merry Christmas~!
PSS: And quit it with the sob story–it’s not working.